Walking in Clouds with Fireworks

Tonight I had a later trek home from Nottingham to Long Eaton.  No I didn’t walk that whole way but I stayed in the office till 7:30 discussing ideas for a girl’s club that we will be starting up in Billborough soon.  It was in fact quite foggy and absolutely beautiful in the city at night.  When I finally got off the bus in Long Eaton not only was there fog but people were setting off fireworks!!   So it was quite nice to be walking in the clouds and having fireworks going off all around.


The fact of the matter is as I was walking home tonight I was remembering what was happening last year at this time.  It was when I really started to become ill from the gallstones.  Even though at the time I had no idea what it was that was causing me so much pain and making me feel absolutely sick, I was so very scared and just kept thinking if I ignore it whatever it is will go away.   I hit myself as to how stubborn I was to not head to the hospital and get checked out until literally my coworker had to take me to the ER when I had another attack at work. 


It’s amazing how much changes in a year.  My hopes were dashed in December when I finally got the official news it was gallstones and had to have surgery.  I never thought that I would be typing this post in England, in fact whenever I imagined myself this time last year I just thought that I would be getting over another holiday at the store, and starting my ritual of putting up Thanksgiving decorations in the deli case.  How God is good!


The one thing I remember most though was when I was sitting in my room during a morning before I had to get ready for work, the whole reality of the situation just started to sink in.  The question’s, the financial aspect of how I was going to afford to pay for it all, and the fact of the matter that it was beginning to look like I wasn’t going to England.  It was at that moment where I thought “God where are You?  Why is this happening? What have I done to deserve this?”  and my mom walked into the room, sat down next to me and I just started to cry.  What I remember most is what she said and she said something to the extent of this “Erin, the one thing that your dad and I have learned is that no matter what God has always provided for us, and if He really wants you to go on this trip He will provide. He is always here.”  and when she left I opened up my Bible and turned to the verse that said “For with God nothing will be impossible.” 


How true that verse is for me.  The future can be so uncertain at times, but even as I step out and take that leap of faith I know that I have a God who will catch me and guide me through those areas.  I can look back now and see just how He had provided and how He guided me through last year.  And in those times where I struggle the most I know He has me in the palm of His hand.  


In that moment tonight as I was walking through the clouds as I like to say fog is, all I could think of was just how fortunate I am.   You know we can worry about the future, we can worry about the uncertainties of life, the state of our countries, who is going to win the election.   The thing though is how much do we let those worries take over our life?  It’s like people stop living and remembering the good that is already in front of them, and only focus on the bad that is happening.  I could have been worried as I was walking through the fog and wondering what would pop out at me at any moment, and if I had I would have missed the beautiful fireworks that were going off above me. 


My hope is forever in God, my life, my love.

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