When The Smile Doesn’t Quite Reach

How can a person decide on one specific thing to do for the rest of their life?   I love music, I love performing, but there is just so much more that I love to do also.  I love youthwork, serving, baking, writing, drawing, photography, traveling, and the list could go on and on with so much more.  If only we could combine every single thing we love to do and make it into one single job, then life could possibly be about perfect.

 

I was able to go to Cedar Point yesterday with the youthgroup.  I had the privilege of walking around with three classy young ladies, and riding some extreme rides.  Ones that made my stomach do a tumble a couple times, and ones that if I had heart problems I would have died in the seat right then.   I realised as I kept looking at The Dragster if I couldn’t compel myself to ride it, how could I expect to sky dive so I made a decision to take a chance.  I ended up loving that ride, I think quite possibily it may just be my favourite one.  It’s hilarious as it shoots you up, you can barely move your face cause it’s stuck in the same petrified/amazed position you had formed right at the beginning when it launches you at 120 mph.  We had planned on posing for the picture, but I was so caught off guard and found that I couldn’t even move my arms at the moment it launched just because of the force.   When we got to the top of the hill I was able to throw up my arms as we spiraled downward back to land, what a thrill.   I screamed like a girl though, as I say that though people keep reminding me ‘Well Erin….you ARE a girl!’    yeah except I normally don’t squeal, and these rides made me squeal.

 

It’s amazing some of the stories I have learned that happened while I was away.  Some about the customers, some about my friends.  You can tell a person is struggling or just really unhappy, and then you learn the story about it and you realise ‘woah no wonder’.    A lot of heartbreak has happened, it sucks to see people who hurt, whose hearts have been so utterly broken that the smile they once had doesn’t quite reach anymore.  I looked up at the stars today as I walking into the house, and I thought to myself ‘I wonder how many heartbreaks, and tears these stars could have seen over the years.’  What if stars could tell stories?  They could tell us so much about the history that has happened, and many mysteries would be solved.

Youthfulness and Laughter..what a combination

There are days in life where you feel like you have become young again.  Whether it’s getting your hair cut and dyed, or you buy a hip and stylish outfit.   You just have those days no matter how old you are.   After a very long 5 year break, yes it has almost been 5 years since I have graduated from highschool (which seems a wee bit crazy to me)  I have started up the university hunt.  The past two universities I have visited I have felt once more like I am a senior in highschool.   Probably just the idea that everyone sees us as visitors so automatically assume I am a senior.  ahahaha little do they know I am not eighteen, I am twenty-three.   When did I get to be this age?   Oy vey.  I still remember thinking when I was sixteen that twenty-one just seemed such a long ways away, and now I am two years past that date. 

 

The university hunt has been quite interesting as of far.  I’ve been given a lot put on the plate to digest and think about.  It’s been eye-opening and I’ve really liked both universities so far, but for completely different reasons.  It may just be that I’ll be doing a positive and negative list when it comes to really choosing. 

 

This past weekend I led the worship for a Women’s Field Day.  It was an amazing time, and God really showed up and broke down walls and strongholds that had been put into place.   I love this weekend, cause no matter how old you are it just touches your heart and you learn something new every single time you go whether you are participating or being a servant.

 

I had the privilege of leading the worship.  At times I felt so unworthy and then I would get reminded I was chosen.  Okay not just chosen..but CHOSEN.    There had been three ladies who had been praying about who should lead the worship and my name popped into all three of their heads, and when I was asked I just felt God saying ‘yes Erin’. 

During the week I had this continous dream about my friend Heather.  I absolutely love this girl.  She’s  a wee lass from Scotland, eighteen years old and just is so on fire for God.  She is an inspiration to me always and I am so blessed to have her in my life, always encouraging me and whenever she has a chance she always says ‘Hello beautiful lady’.  Every night I would dream in a different situation Heather would usher me in to a different room and she would bring out a guitar and ask me to play with her.  I always had an excuse, saying ‘Heather I just can’t, I have way to much on my plate right now…or I need to just use this time to prepare for Women’s Field Day’.   It got to the point that I actually asked her ‘Heather do you play guitar?’  she doesn’t, but she does want to learn.   After really thinking about those dreams I just felt that was God saying to me ‘You know Erin, a lot of times lately you have been doing that..but this weekend is  just you and me.’  That I may be helping lead into worship, but that I didn’t have to worry about what others thought, or that anyone else was watching because that dream was also for the ladies too.   It was God saying to all of us ‘This weekend is for for just you and me’  For all of us to connect with Him and just worship whole heartedly.     

 

Heather gave me a scripture from Isaiah 25, it was awesome just how it tied into the whole weekend. I had a wee bit of trouble with the cd player, but that’s life and it is a great example of life.  A lot of times we live life, and we have those moments where things just don’t turn out right or act normal, and our focus gets distracted from God.   Our every day activity should be an act of worship to God.  I really want to strive to just talking to God every single day, every single hour, minute….just having a thankful attitude for all He does.  I want my life to reflect a worshipful attitude towards Him.  I just want to have that kind of relationship with Him and I really want to strive towards that.

My favourite moment of the weekend must be this wee story that happened.

 

It was during communion and everyone was quiet, pensive, and in a worshipful mood. We had prepared a song for the prayer, and as I turned it on…I realized as it started to play the drumming was not a familiar sound to me and all of a sudden you hear this deep booming voice go ‘LET’S DO THIS!!!’  My mouth dropped, and the leader’s eyes widened and said ‘WRONG SONG!’ and we all burst into much laughter with a lady shouting ‘YEAH LET’S DO THIS’…but finally I got the right song playing.  It was so perfect and yet so unexpected! Oh the joy laughter brings.

 

I also learned that I have a potty mouth when I sleep…..