In the Realm of Gleeks

At the moment I am sitting downstairs in the lobby watching Glee with all the other Gleeks in Morrison Hall.   We’re a big a group and I must say that it’s sooo much funner watching Glee with a big group of people then by myself on FOX. com.   It’s pretty awesome.   Interestingly enough this is the first time I’ve watched tv since two weeks ago!   I guess this means I am an official gleek.  I mean what am I going to do with my life now that my Ugly Betty is now over.  It’s just not the same without Betty Suarez in my life, though I did hear rumors that there may be a movie in the works?  That would be awesome because I didn’t think they really ended well, it was just a wee bit too abrupt for me. 

So my work schedule is coming together a bit now.  We still have some bumps and a couple bruises, but it’s starting to smooth over and slowly being worked out.   I have never felt so stretched, or felt like my reputation/reliability has ever been as screwed with as right now.  But the teachers are very understanding and I feel that it will all be okay.  One day at a time right?

I’m really enjoying my education class a lot, it’s a lot of work, but I would rather them having us do a lot of work rather then not.  If they didn’t then getting into teaching would be way too easy, and probably horrible teachers would suddenly appear all over.  That would be very bad.  Very bad indeed. 

I’m volunteering once more, it’s an requirement for my education class, but if I am honest I would totally do this anyways!!  Yesterday was my first day and I absolutely loved it.  Apparently today ALL the kids showed up, plus some.  Yikes! But tomorrow is mentoring which I will also be able to do and I just love working with young people or kids.  The ages we have are k-5…maybe 6 thrown in.  But already some of these kids have captured my heart.  It’s just such a wonderful thing to be able to get to know all the kids in the area, hear their stories, and just love them.  Blessed indeed I am to be back into something that I really love to do. 

Orchestra is going well.  I do well when i’m playing with the others, but it’s still such a huge learning process…and when I try to go over it by myself it’s just not as easy.  I’ll have to admit I’m a horrible counter, and the theory of everything just does not come to me naturally.  But I know that Mr. Kumi will help me during lessons, and I just have to put more of an effort into really slowing it down, and really trying to count, etc.  I’m also listening to the music online, and playing along trying to get it down.  I think it’s kind of helping.  But OH MY DAYS, it’s crazy insane at times.  So yes if you think about it, please pray for me as I try to be a part of this.  It’s such a stretching experience, I love it, but it’s so much more then just showing up and requires a lot of time and effort into learning the music.

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Pudding Cup Memories

I raved about school in my last post.  I still love it don’t worry.  I’ve just had a really tough night and day today.  I was super tired yesterday so I climbed into bed at 10:30 and fell asleep.  About midnight I woke up and suddenly realised that my ace plan of working on Tuesdays during the day was not going to be as smooth working as I had thought.  Because my job is a tutoring job I get to go to different schools and work with ELLs.  But unfortunately when I thought I’d be able to make it every Tuesday, I’ll only be able to make it every other Tuesday because of a lecture that they have put at 12. 

I was so frustrated with myself because I had been working with the teachers to get a definate schedule up and running and then to come to this point of realisation was just annoying.  So about 12:30-1 am I was up e-mailing everyone telling them about my mistake.  Simple enough right? 

I have felt so bad about it all day.  I really didn’t get much sleep after that, and I was SO FRUSTRATED  and disappointed in myself that I would do this to someone, not intentionally but it still hit me in the gut good.    When I say I will do something I am good to that word, I don’t back out.  So for this to happen I felt so irresponsible and unreliable saying that I would be able to make it every Tuesday knowing most of the teachers were counting on that help, and then having to back out on that word.  To not make good on my promises makes me feel like I not only have let myself down, but also everyone else.

So I sat here as I replied to a teacher, and looked at my dad’s picture and started to cry.  I knew that at that moment I could use one of his hugs, because he always made me feel better whenever something like this was up. 

Later on I went to the Haven and got some food to bring back to the room as I have a skype date in about 30 seconds.  I got a pudding cup, and as I opened it up KABOOM tears started to flow again.  It’s always the simple things that make me remember Dad…and he loved his pudding cups a lot. 

On a good note, I’m in the chamber orchestra, I’m going to his favourite singer’s university ‘Bill Gaither’ and I’ve fallen in love with the cowboy sandwich, which could give anyone a heart attack…..and I always teased him about McDonalds.  I know that if he saw me eat this sandwich he would be relentless.  

On another happy note.  I received a postcard from a wonderful friend Tim in England of a red double decker, and received a letter from my dear Rachel, who is also in England.   Those two really made my week special for doing that!  Yay for friends. 🙂

Okay, okay I’ll admit it…I’m a nerd

I love school.  I have finished my first week finally and I love it.   It’s overwhelming and at times I sometimes wonder what I have gotten myself into.  I’m glad I am here though.   Sometimes I wish I had Jenny and Laura with me, I’ve already written a homework assignment where I’ve cried my heart out over.  My heart has broken a few times with stories and situations, and I’ve laughed myself silly with my RA, my snort and her man laugh equal tears and a gut ache. 

Apparently at the moment a lot of the girls are kind of boy crazy, trying to find that special someone the first week of school.  Why is it that a girl needs a guy to really feel fulfilled.  Because in all honesty you aren’t going to feel fulfilled until a.) you get right with God and b.) you know yourself, and love who you are.  And at the moment it’s like all these girls are just wanting to find ‘mr. right’ and feel that the world will be a beautiful place once they do.  Now yes all those lovely feelings will be around, happy and giggly feelings, but they don’t always last.  And then hearts get broken, tears are shed, and they are left wondering ‘seriously?  why God.’  and then find another by the end of the week. 😉  nah it doesn’t always go like that.  BUT why do girls need to feel like they have to have a boyfriend….don’t they know that it’s okay to be single, it’s okay to live life and not need to hold hands with someone to make them confident?   Ahhhh love is in the air. 

I’ve gotten myself into a place where I never said I would be again, and I’m going to dig myself out once more.  By God’s grace, love, and strength I will, and I will be stronger for it.  You think you are fine one minute and then bam you are back to where you were once and you don’t even know how you got there again.  I am a promise breaker to myself, but we’re going to try and fix this one.    

One of my assignments this week in English was to assess my values or as my professor would say ‘assumptions’, our beliefs or ideas that we hold true.  We had to list six and then right out the behaviour that proved we practiced these values. 

I’ve really enjoyed doing this assignment.  It takes you on a little ride through yourself and shows you just exactly what you hold close as your assumptions.   When I sat back and thought about all that I really hold close too, it really brought a new perspective to what it is that matters most.  Being bold, honesty, integrity, my faith, my attitude, never wanting to lead anyone astray, never wanting to hurt people, but loving who I am and what I want to do.  Those are some of the qualities that it all lead too.    It helped remind me of my roots, my heritage, of how I don’t want to disappoint myself or my family. 

Sometimes I wonder about my heritage, about my ancestors.  What they dreamed of when they came over to America.  What my great-grandmum thought as she left England to come over here.  What their core values, hopes, and dreams were.   That when towards the end of their life they were able to look back and think ‘Wow…I lived.  I lived my dreams, my hopes, and I stayed true to what I believed in…never wavering.’    I hope that one day when I look back on my life I’ll think the same thing.

I don’t want to live a mediocre life, or forget my core values. 

I want to live.