Sitting back and viewing the chaos.

I once dropped a beautiful book outside without realizing it, and that very night it rained. Oh the sadness I felt when I found my book in the state it was in. The pages  crumpled and the binding and covers completely warped.  Weather beaten, worn, and a bit smudged from all the rain but yet inside the message was still the same…

I’m still quite ashamed to admit that I practically destroyed that hardback book.  On the bright side “Letters To A Young Poet” became an honorary member of my book collection, sitting proudly next to all my other books.   I am happy to say that I can read this book, in it’s dilapidated state, whenever I want now.

I left my first class today and sat in the library working on studying and trying to find resources for a paper that I’ll be writing while on  spring break.   I went to use the restroom and caught a glimpse in the mirror of how I looked.  I actually gasped in shock for

a.) I looked like death warmed up

b.)  My hair was in a state of disarray

c.) I looked extremely haggard

At least I score points for scary looks; now if only it was Halloween.

On a serious note

Every now and then I have to take a seat and lean back to view everything that is happening.  Sometimes I shake my head in amazement, hit my head in frustration, and lately it has been holding my head and letting the tears fall.

I am reminded of Anton Chekhov’s quote “Any idiot can face a crisis – it’s day to day living that wears you out.”

I found myself saying to a friend ‘Life’s tough, wear a helmet’ and there are moments when I am telling myself the exact same thing, or wishing that I could take off the helmet to knock some sense into me.  I just look at life and think “Oh my word. What am I doing?”

What am I doing?  Living, of course.

And living isn’t always easy, life isn’t the fairytale Disney portrays.

It gives you hard knocks, the weather beats you down and frays the edges of your jeans.  Yeah there are the days of sunshine, but it’s unpredictable isn’t it.

I am still me though, I still have the same shifting hopes and dreams (at least 3 major ones), I still cling to what I value.

Yes there will be days where I look like death warmed up, haggard, and a royal mess.  The outside however, does not change who I am.

Robert Frost once said “I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew.   Writing a poem is discovering.”

That is the beauty of life because we never know what the ending will be, sometimes we need to sit back and discover life through the chaos.