Through the tears

Three years ago tomorrow, I sat in the kitchen in complete denial as my brother hugged my sobbing form.  The news he had just told me rocked the very center of my existence, and beyond all hope I prayed that there was a mistake.  Suddenly, the complaints of the week disappeared and the instant regrets appeared as we drove to the hospital to say goodbye to dad.  Three years ago I asked the question, “When do the tears stop?”

Three years later those tears have yet to stop.  They come randomly as I walk through the valley trying to remember dad’s voice.  Sometimes they come when I pass a McDonald’s or listen to a Cleveland Indians game.  They come sometimes when I sing some of his favourite hymns. When I stood in Margaret’s kitchen and picked up the phone to ring home, the tears came as I realised Dad’s voice would not greet me on the other side.   They come randomly as I walk through town with Ellie.  There are days when the memories just hit me and there is nothing I can really do about it.

In these three years of random tears and various emotions I have experienced, the lyrics of this song have been true for my life.

There’s not a prayer I’ve prayed
That You haven’t heard
Not a tear I’ve shed
That You didn’t feel
You’re the God who comes to raise the dead
I know You’ll raise me up again
I know You’ll raise me up again

Who can praise You from the grave
to see the life you gave
Just to see the life you gave

Just to see the life you gave
Every fear in me You’ve put to rest
It’s the song sing I bring
Of Your faithfulness

And every tear has led my feet to stand
Where the ocean meets the land
Where the ocean meets the land

Sink or swim I’m diving in
Where the river starts rushing
Where my heart starts beating
For the rhythms of the testing
And the songs of the trials
I will lift a cry up to You
Sung with hope inside my eyes

Sink or swim I’m diving in
To the passion of Your heart
Where love starts

I lift my hands if my hands fail me
I’ll bend my knees if my knees grow weak
I’ll raise my voice and sing, I’ll sing
I know that You love me

Give me a song to sing 
And I will sing it

Give me a song to sing 
And I will sing it to You God 

 

Through my tears I will still praise You God.

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