“I’m good guys…I’m just really sad.”

I broke down in front of my 8th graders this week.  We’re reading the The Hiding Place and Chapter 2 hit hard.

At a young age I was terrified that dad was going to die, and there were many nights that I prayed, “God, please let my dad live.  I can’t live this life without him in it.” It was a constant prayer….there were a lot of nights crying myself to sleep.

So, there comes up a point in the chapter when Corrie experiences death as a concrete thing and not as an abstract idea.  She begins to realize that she could lose everybody in her life, and one night as her dad was saying goodnight she pleads with him:

 “that night as he [Father] stepped through the door I burst into tears, “I need you!” I sobbed.  “You can’t die!  You can’t!”
   …Father sat down on the edge of the narrow bed.  “Corrie,” he began gently, “when you and I go to Amsterdam – when do I give you your ticket?”
   I sniffed a few times, considering this,”Why, just before we get on the train.”
   “Exactly.  And our wise Father in heaven knows when we’re going to need things, too.  Don’t run out ahead of Him, Corrie.  When the time comes that some of us will have to die, you will look into your heart and find the strength you need – just in time.”

I began to weep and my 8th graders had no clue what was happening.  I forced one of them to finish reading the passage for me because I couldn’t get through it.

This was a hard week; the grief hit me.  The memories swirled around me, and I just wanted Dad around. Tomorrow will be 8 years and the tears still flow freely.

I talked with my 8th graders the next day.  I let them know what happening with my life, and then I told them,  “That passage hit me hard because I miss my dad so much, but  Casper’s words are so true.  God gives you the strength even when your heart breaks.  I hope that you guys realize how much wisdom you are reading because this story is a powerful example of having a strong faith in the darkest of circumstances.   So…I’m good guys, really I am….I am just sad and that’s okay.”