I’m a bit tired. In fact I should go to bed. But I promised myself I would update this.
Classes are going well. Still really enjoying them…mid-terms have come out and so far all A’s and one B+, hurray! Doing good.
Tutoring has basically sorted itself out. I love all the kids I work with, and they just have grabbed a hold of my heart. I need to update my knock-knock jokes though, cause one of the activities as my two kids and I wait for their mum to come and pick them up, is to tell those. I’m getting tired of ‘Knock knock!’ ‘Who’s there?’ ‘Orange!’ ‘Orange, Who?’ ‘Orange, you going to say goodbye to me?’ Actually I need to figure out some great games that we can play also while we wait.
The afterschool club I volunteer at, has also captured my heart. THose kids have brought so much joy into my life, and I love them all soo dearly! Each one is so unique, and yes I’m not going to over romanticise this because we do have our days where we want to pull out our hair. But they love you so much, always giving you hugs, holding your hands, and just wanting to be loved. How can you not be moved by that?
Nora, Taylor and I particpated in Ace of Cakes. Brilliant! We made a ‘Very Hungry Caterpillar’ cake, composed of cupcakes and a sheet cake turned into a book. It was brilliant, and I feel we should have won…but it’s okay, the fondant icing people one. yuck.
I love the friends I am making here. God has definately been answering that prayer, and I am so thankful for that.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” -Rainer Maria Rilke
I’ve questioned a lot lately, to which I have not been given any answers, and I saw this quote and thought….hmm.
Sometimes I feel like as a Christian you aren’t suppose to question God. I feel like that is the main stereotype placed on us. That you can’t be angry, but you have to be ‘Oooohhh yes, well we don’t know what God’s plan is, but it’s always perfect and that is alright with me.’ We are suppose to be boxed up all nice and pretty with all our outer-wrapping perfect. Poppycock!
If we don’t question, how do we grow and learn?
If we don’t get angry, we aren’t a normal human being. Of course we all get angry at some point, and to say that we never get angry at God, or the things that happen? I would be lying if I said that.
I’ll continue to live, continue to question, continue have a broken heart most of my days, but what will always be constant in my life is that I know my love for God will never change. No matter how many times I question Him, ‘why?’. I know that He will be my constant joy. Because through all the crap that has happened, through the heart breaks, the moments I have wanted to tear out my hair, and the moments where I walk to the cementary…He holds my heart. He is there.
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