One of the love/hates that I have about Facebook is the memories option. I usually love it. I usually laugh about the silly things that I would post or shake my head in embarrassment about them. Because let’s be honest, I have done a lot of crazy things…some that I wish I could take back.
Today, I was suppose to be sitting in a coffee shop with my friend, working on my art, while he was working on grading. However, I am currently sitting at my dining room table staring out the window at the swirling white mass that has graced our lives today. It brings back memories. Memories of long walks down the railroad tracks, taking pictures of the freshly fallen snow. Memories of trying to make honeycomb and failing drastically. Memories of sledding with coworkers. Memories of making chicken noodle soup and getting angry when my soup was rebuffed.
You see the thing about the Facebook memories is that it reminds me of everything leading up to tomorrow. I see these memories, and I want to take hold of my past self in a huge hug because she didn’t see it coming. She didn’t know that in less than 24 hours, she would be walking down the hospital hallway to say a final goodbye to her dad. She didn’t understand how much she would regret a few of her actions that led up to that day. She didn’t know that her final words to her dad would be, “Will you be okay?” instead of “I love you.”
But what I love about Facebook memories is that even though I see my heartbreak, I see my life being built again. I see the progress of college and teaching. I see my girls protecting me at school when it was an extremely rough day, and Miss Erin couldn’t handle it anymore. I see my LCS students making me laugh hysterically, but also showing me their love when I was going through some difficult days saying goodbye to other family members. I see the joys that I have had, and the friendships that have blossomed through the years since dad’s death. I see the uncertainty I faced, not knowing if I was making the right decisions. I look at it all; I see where I have walked, where I have struggled, and where I have had victories.
Today, I look out the window with the ground blanketed in snow and smile. Yeah, the tears are there; the tears will always be there, but I am reminded of the beauty and goodness of God. I am reminded that even in my darkest moments, He has me in His arms. I am reminded that in my highest joys, He is there. And through it all, I will continue to keep my eyes on Him. He has the victory.
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